Thursday, April 29, 2010

Go Blazers Go

Dear Blazers, Please don't break my heart tonight. Thanks. Love, Emily P.F Dart-McLean

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Troll la la - second grade hero

In second grade I had an extensive treasure troll doll collection (which if I do say so myself is a hilarious conversation starter or pick up line...don't you think?). Remember treasure trolls?They were made out of a soft rubbery plastic, they had really creepy smiles, androgynous bodies, the occasional jewel for a belly button, and different color wispy blown out hair (which I always wondered if that was someone's job, before the trolls were sold, to blow dry their hair. . you know with a mini hair dryer). Remember remember? If childhood nightmares are flooding back to you, I apologize, but will admit that we might be talking about the same trolls.

So anyways I pretty much had every troll that was accessible to purchase in Salem, Oregon. Kimono troll, British guard, hula dancer, pilot, chef, ballerina, name it. It is a fact, that just about every week of second grade I would pack my trolls into a giant duffle bag and bring them with me for show and tell. I was sort of a hated troll doll legend, I'd like to think. Hated because who the hell wants to see the same damn duffle bag of troll dolls (or any for that matter) and a legend because there were so many, and I would occasionally update the duffle bag.
(Side note, I realize there was one show and tell that I did not bring the duffle of trolls. It was the week I fell down and got a concussion, I had to wear a giant silver eye patch. Anyways the patch trumped the trolls, and I brought that silver gem to class).

Skip to the point in the story where my teacher was not in class, and we had a substitute teacher. It was a show and tell day. There I was, playing during free time, when the substitute turns the lights on and off, and tells us It's time to clean up now. You know what I did, I just kept on playing. Now at this point in the story I would like to note that I didn't continue playing to be bad, or because I didn't notice the lights or something, in fact I was a very nice child. I kept playing because, like the individually blow dried hair of a troll doll, I had contemplated this situation before. Ok so everyone is cleaning up, and the substitute says loudly IT'S TIME TO CLEAN UP NOW (obviously directed at me, and partially at the british guard troll doll I was playing with). I continued to not hear the substitute until she walked right up to me and sat down:
"Emily, it's time to clean up now." She said real stern, and calm, in sort of a reasoning, un reasoning voice (like teachers do).
And you know what I say back at her (oh and this was something I had really rationalized)
I said "No thank you, I'm not going to clean up. You know kids are sick and tired of adults asking them to clean up. I will clean up with the class, when you clean up with the class."

At this point I truly thought I was starting a revolution. I thought, all the kids will carry me out on their shoulders, and the substitute will think I'm some sort of out spoken presidential candidate. As you can imagine I was wrong. I got a blue slip, and had to see the principle. The worst part, my classmates didn't even have the nerve to carry me on their shoulder's to the principle's office...bastards.

Of course I told the class my parents would be so happy that I stood up for children, they would probably buy me a new troll doll. I told the students "just you wait till show and tell next week, just you wait..."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dear Tim Meadows...

Last night when I bumped into you at the bar (literally), I will admit I was a bit surprised and I did not know what to say. Let's be honest, all though the Space Room does have the ambiance of a 1990's roller skating ring meets diner from a 1950's detective show, it's not the cream of the crop for neighborhood bars if you will. Yeah, they do pour strong drinks, but the bar is always filled with budwiser drinking dummies who say things like "hey little lady, you should ask me out" or "you look like a cocktail type of gal..." (not to mention the fact that when you leave, you take the diner smell with you on your clothes. You know a little bacon , a little grill, and reminisce of cigarettes. I guess I just wasn't expecting to see you yesterday. Anyways Tim, when I said "excuse me, OH EXCUSE ME'' real awkward... remember? Well what I meant to say was this: Why oh why did you make the ladies man movies? Career killer..(and then a little bit of this) Oh I can't stay mad at you... (I'd list off all the good skits you were in on Saturday Night ensure you weren't too hurt by "career killer"). At this point we would take a photo together, probably with Courvoisier.. I would ask you to change into a spare ladies man costume (that you probably carry around) just in case my friends didn't recognize you with your new greying beard. Enjoy Portland, Oregon.

Emily P.F Dart-McLean

Friday, April 23, 2010

Workin' for the Weekend

Spring Fever

Yesterday I went to that incredible thrift store, the one with thrift store savvy prices. Re gifting Center, yeah that's the one! Latest purchase? Vintage glasses, fifty cents. The photos do not show the glasses in their entirety. They are gold, and they do have the words Lady R engraved on the inside of the frame. Pretty good spy glasses, huh?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Spring Fever

Oh so delicate and lovely. I'll trade you one adult size nasa space suit, a mix, & cupcakes for either one of these beauties. Any takers, eh eh?

Leanne Marshall
Holly Stalder

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Pho-get about it...

When it comes to pho dinner, we are creatures of habit. So when we decided to go to a different Pho restaurant last night, rather then our usual Pho Da Lat, I knew we were pho-cking up (get it?... tough crowd). I will not mention the name, as to not offend or hurt any feelings...pho-lings? Anyways so we show up at 9:00, and all of the Open signs are shut off. We walk up to the front to check the hours, since the restaurant still has 12 customers. When we get there, we note the restaurant had closed at 9:00, and as we are about to walk away, 3 restaurant staff from within started to wave at us. Maybe it was the illusion of looking into a lighted building from the dark, but the waving looked like dismissive "thanks for stopping by, we would love to have you some other time, we're closed, see you next time, now get the hell out of here." Naturally we walked back to the car to leave.

In the car (while it's turned on, and about to back up mind you) we hear a knock on Alex's window. We look over only to see one of the "get the hell out of here, and please come again" waivers from the restaurant. It's a man who is just tall enough to have his whole upper body in the view of the window (which let me tell you, is not a pleasant sight in a dark parking lot, tapping on your window). Alex rolls down the window, and the man who is as tall as Alex sitting down says, You are welcome to come in and enjoy yourself. Ok skip to the part when we go in, because we were summoned in the parking lot, and the food is ok, and Alex buys a donut for 75 cents that ways about a pound, and it makes him burp really loud. Ok skip all of that. Did you skip it (not to be confused with the toy worn around a child's ankle in the 90's)?

Dear Pho Da Lat,
I wanted to let you know, even though you have a creepy bathroom (that sort of looks like a crime scene... you can almost imagine a chalk outline of a body), I think you have the best pho in town. Your food is delicious, yes even that pudding you sometime serve (that gives me a mouth like a straight line). Your service is lovely, and sometimes even sassy, but never knocking on my car window. Keep up the good work.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Whitney at Her Best

Workin' for the Weekend

I Frickin' Love You, Yes You...

Rock Me - Abba
Zebra-Beach House
It's Only Love- The Beatles
Wild is The Wind - David Bowie
Beach Parade - Armondo Trovaioli

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Spring Fever

It is a fact that in the spring of 1990 I picked all the cherry blossom off my next door neighbors tree. First I made a giant petal pile on my side of the fence, then I went into the house and got a fitted sheet to cover the petals. Naturally the next thing I did was lay down on top of the new founded flower bed and read a book (by "naturally" I mean what type of destructive tree destroying child was I). When our neighbor Mike (he was mailman) poked his head out the door and yelled (at this point in the story please imagine Mike in his mailman uniform, the shorts version with the plastic hat) so Mike yells at me "DID YOU TAKE ALL THE BLOSSOMS OFF OF MY TREE?!!!&$#!" (his voice extra loud because it was going through the vacant branches), I merely said "nope" and continued to lay on my flower bed enjoying the day. He was so clueless, no idea at all...

Monday, April 12, 2010

Good News take 5

1. Fred Meyers sell a whole caseload of Moonstruck Chocolates (I'm talking about those delicately hand crafted chocolates that some of you may know as cat, dog, and ice cream cone chocolates). Now you can go Moonstruck without even going to the west side (Take that Burnside Bridge) and the best part, Good Ol' Freddy's sells them for twenty five cents cheaper.
Side note, for those of you who use to watch Reading Rainbow, with all this count down sales pitchy stuff, I feel sort of like their book introductions. Please imagine this blog post read in the voice of 10 year old children, and Levar Burton....Now that I have that off my chest, with all do respect continue...
2. Dinner is: Pasta with pesto,artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers (a-hearts and pep, as nobody calls it) roasted yams, with goat cheese, and chicken. Tiny cheese cake for desert

3. It was either Harrison Ford I saw tonight, or perhaps his twin. Or was it his poorly aged adult son? Maybe his wax figuring brought to on Hawthorne (naturally)?

4. Two yards of vintage fabric, two dollars...Re-gifting Center, you've done it again!

5. A cat walked up to our front porch today, and maybe just maybe tried to ring our door bell
(I think he was looking for Alex).

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Mt. Hood Model Engineers Society

So tonight.. wait actually let me back track, my friend Denise and I occasionally go on wine walks. A wine walk consists of the two us carrying two coffee mugs of wine, walking briskly (partially due to the wine, partially to cold). We walk down streets in Portland we have not been down before, and admire the architecture. Noting things like "I love those orange stairs" or "four houses exactly the same, Boring!" Or the usual " that house is definitely haunted."

So tonight, on our wine walk, we were trudging up the street (trudging because it was hill, and my long shirt was made out of fabric that didn't move...canvas, yikes!), Where was I, oh yeah, trudging up the street and I realize mid trudge that we are close to the Mt. Hood Model Engineers Society... Now I know the Mt. Hood Model Engineers Society because I run past the building once a week. I figured now that I would be walking past, now was my chance to see a room full of people dressed like conductors playing with model trains (I think that would complete my life).

At this point I'm telling Denise about the train society, and we are set on walking up there, when we hear the sound of sweet sweet music coming from the corner. Skip the part where we discover this random community center/ coffee shop/ gym... and cut back in when we accidentally walk right into a concert (at the wrong door). There we were, stage left, in the middle of the set. We walk in, and it was like dominoes, first the two women at the door turn to look at us, then the couple in the center, then (oops) the piano player., and the list goes on and on. At this point we are back stepping as fast as we can out of the building, and briskly trudging toward the Mt Hood Model Engineer Society. When we got there, the shop was closed. Drats.

please note this post is post wine walk...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear Easter Candy

Dear Easter Candy,
Thank you for finding the kindness in your heart to be fifty percent off at most stores so promptly after your debut. I don't know what you have to do with Easter, besides eggs, baskets, and hunts... regardless, I'm sure Jesus would be happy to know that you're sharing the sale candy with Jew's like me who don't get a basket. Easter candy, you'll be happy to know that not only did I buy a Cadbury Cream egg today afterwork, I bought two. That's right, T-W-O, for the fine price of thirty seven cents (tax included). Easter Candy, thank you for the sweet sweet deals (get it, sweet?...I'm here all week).

Emily PF Dart-McLean

Monday, April 5, 2010

I do believe...

Will somebody please tell me where I can find this robotic piano player, you know the one who plays Carpenter songs...

Sunday, April 4, 2010

a few highlights...

I recently went to two incredible thrift stores. The first, the classic Red White and Blue. Saturday= Everything in the store fifty percent off! Count me in (and cue power words like "shizam" "booya" and "boom"). The second store, a newbie but a good(-bie?). The Re-Gifting Center. I'm talking real thrift store prices, like twenty five cent mugs and what not...the pure shit! None of that GoodWill ninety nine T-shirt what have you. The following are a few of the Gems that have recently graced my life...
1.scotty dog mug with gold leaf rim (.25 cents)
2. a plentiful amount of psychedelic terry cloth fabric (.50 cents)

3. cupcake stand (homemade) ingredients= $2.00
4. ariel view of the cupcake stand "good day madam"
5. a beautiful bird and gold leaf filagree tray, what more could a gal want? (.50 cents)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I Frickin' Love You, Yes You...

Honeybee- AU
Young Bride-Midlake
Modern Love- David Bowie
Meet Me In The Morning- Bob Dylan
Roll The Credits- Peter Bjorn and John

at the dark end of the street

...and the whole walk home I felt like zombies were going to come out of the wood work at any moment. It was cold out, I was gloveless. I kept both bare hands warm (ish) in my pockets. As I walked between two bushes on either side of the sidewalk, I felt like a cat with my whiskers trimmed (my balanced compromised by the location of my hands). You spend your whole childhood feeling safe walking up and down your street, then all of sudden your new block, your adult block, the one with all the north lights on, and the south lights off, feels strange. The cats look like statues, so do the statues...

April Fools