Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ahead of the game

When you were a kid, did anyone ever tell you the ghost story about the woman who wore the ribbon around her neck? You know the one that starts off talking about the girl who was pretty, yet strange... in fact there was something different about her... she always wore a ribbon around her neck. I don't think the color of the ribbons is important, so I'm going to skip that part..there are some strange and mysterious things that happen... I'll skip those parts too. Skip the part where she gets married... still has the ribbon on...blah blah blah. 

Ok so at the end of the story, the girl who were so curious why she wears a ribbon around her neck is on her death bed (she is still wearing the ribbon). It just so happens that her husband is also curious why she wears the ribbon (probably in the part I skipped, the "blah blah blah: segment). So anyways after 65 years, or 82, or 90 or whatever, the husband decides to take off the ribbon... and.... HER HEAD FALLS OFF (because she's a ghost, naturally). Please take the time to take a breath if you are currently shaking in your virtual mind boots. I have something very important to tell you: fiddle sticks, a ribbon couldn't hold on a blimey ghost head, It's at least  8 lbs!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

In the Tune of Monster Squad

Hey, remember the Monster Squad (circa 1987)? Wouldn't a Monster Squad tribute band be so delightfully good and bad, all wrapped up into the comfort of a toilet paper mummy costume? Everyone in the band would dress up like a character of the movie. People could switch as the show went on (and I'm sure there will be a lot of those...if you know what I mean...but seriously ... straight to the top folks) from monster costumes to 10 year old boy costumes. All the lyrics would be about the movie... with such  classic hits as Wolfman's got Nards and Creature Stole My Twinikie.... COMING SOON TO A HALLOWEEN PARTY NEAR YOU!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Get it, rainbow?

I know you're probably expecting some sort of, "if you were on a desert Island... which shoe would you take" question. Or maybe you think I own these.. nope.  I guess if there is an answer, it's probably not the blue shoes... or the red ones that look sort of like hooves... I guess the answer is throw all the shoes out the window of your helicopter as you fly over the deserted Island. 

Sunday, October 25, 2009

California dreaming

Over the past five days I have been on a serious family tour! On Wednesday morning at the rooster's loud obnoxious symphonic cell phone alarm crack of dawn, we started our descent to the tip of California. Our final destination the Mary Dang/ Ken McLean Wedding, San Diego edition.
Smashed into two cars were my siblings and our respected others. Not to mention my brother and his girlfriend's belongings which they were moving with to California for the winter : A loom strapped to the top of the car, beer brewing stuff, boxes of clothes, boxes of yarn, stinky work boots.. you know the usual. The first day we drove to San Mateo to stay at our uncle's for the night, go go air mattress, and lacking winks (by that I mean sleep)! The next day we compiled into one car, all 5 of us. It was nice and cozy like a laughy, cranky, farty, too much timey in a small spacey, bear cave! Blah blah blah it was 18 hours total by the time we got to San Diego, I'll skip the part about the hour we spent in LA traffic making up the strangest children's names we could think up. "Foot blasheem Dart-McLean" or "Putrid Harris" ... the list goes on an on.
Our uncle married a Vietnamese Catholic woman. This meant the next three days were jam packed (but not limited to) family events intertwined with ceremonies, incredible keyboard bands, speeches, cognac (you know, the stuff that rappers sometimes rap about... or whatever), drunkin' uncles saying things like "you see that guy, now that is the definition of stud," drunkin' uncles saying things like "I'm going to confess everything to my parents tonight, how I hitch hiked, and smoked weed before school, how I jumped my parents car off a hill," dancing (including but certainly not limited to the ever so famous... jazersize moves performed by none other than my Mother), incredible professional dancers (that looked like the main characters of a really good 1990's ballroom dance movie). The weekend was like a family soup, a family fruit cake, a family grab bag. The weekend was intense, beautiful, long, and hilarious. The weekend was hung over.
To pass the small down time that there was, I watched Alex do hand stands in the pool. Looking good in your neon orange LA Gear Shorts (he said "it was fitting, with the Southern California theme"). There was a forty five minute beach stint. It consisted of body surfing among the surfers. My sister's boyfriend said he saw a sting ray in the water, I don't know if I believe him... he was currently glasses-less at the moment (a clump of seaweed has been known to look like a living thing).

This morning, once again we were up at the crack of cell phone alarm dawn. On the plane ride home I read my book crossing my mind fingers that I wouldn't throw up shark fin soup and wine all over the plane. I didn't. What a good weekend.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Vacation till Sunday

I can imagine it will be something like this...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Workin' for the Weekend

It's kind of LIke this...

I know I know, it's photo shopped. I mean, the dog in the front  taunting the viewer, a cat doing a hand stand, yeah right. Still, I laughed when  I looked at this, only because I can imagine these animals actually doing this photo shoot. The Creative director yelling commands through a loud speaker, "Terry (the cat, obviously), more hand springs, fine, fine just do a head stand!" 
"MORE POGO! MORE POGO!" "You call that jump roping?" I don't know about you, but that's how I imagine the photo shoot going down. Have a nice Friday. 

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Sentimental Blues

We both had the same memory of our Mom's beautiful hands- silver bracelet on the left (the hand with the bone bump), and family heirloom beautiful star ruby ring on your right. Que the cheesy sentimental song... or how about "We are family" by Sly and the Family Stone. Yikes. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Burly Crew

Every other year Englewood  Elementary School put on a fourth grade musical production of the Lewis and Clark story, The Burly Crew. Fortunately for my parents, their children are two Sacagawea years apart (by that I mean they had the pleasure of viewing this magic not once, but four times). Each sibling played a different part, each  part of the chorus. Some trees or forest animal extras. Some settlers, and all wearing hilarious coon skin caps, straw caps,  and fringe clothing of some shape or another. 

The director told every forth grade actor to go home and pick out clothes " you can really imagine Lewis and Clark, or the people they met on their expedition wearing. Become 1804." That is exactly why in 1994, this settler square dancer wore; a teal turtle neck, purple homemade ribbon suspenders, sweat pants, a straw hat, and yes a fake fur. It was like 1804 all over again, sigh... really takes me back.

The line I had, the one line, the one very important line (in song), "What will we do without any girls, none of those creatures with ruffles and curls, heres what will do to have a start will have a man play the woman's part." Here's why it's good. Here's why it's important. I was the original square dancing, turtle neck wearing, settler, who sparked a revolution... and then there was drag. Ah thank you. 

Monday, October 12, 2009

Just a small slap on the paw.. or whatever

I went inside for one minute, the next thing I know...Kabloooeee...

Alright, who's the wise guy who put the dead bird on my office porch? Eh eh, anyone? You know the bird that looked like it had been KNOCKED OUT in a boxing match. The one with a trickle of blood from it's beak? The one laying on it's back in tact. The one that looked like a Hollywood actor shot dead in a  gangster movie... dead, looking good, with a small amount of blood, from the mouth or nose (I mean the bird looked like a bird, playing a caricature of a hollywood actor... playing dead in a movie). 

Don't try to tell me it was the squirrels either,  I already thought of that. I mean come on, what do you take me for? Of course I thought of that! After observing two squirrels chase each other around a tree trunk for ten minutes straight, I know that there was just no way they committed this bird and run. There is no way they had time to box the bird (not in a container, but a match.... Mohammed Ali... Knock out..  you get it) they were to into this tree chase game. I mean, they're probably still running around it this minute (by it I mean, the trunk, and by they I mean all the squirrels in Vancouver, WA). 

Anyways If anyone has a guilty conscience, and wants to speak up... any forest animals trying to find a spot to rid a tiny pair of blood soaked gloves... What better time then now? People probably wouldn't even notice. Everyones sooo distracted with the swine flu,  the nobel peace prize, healthcare reform, and what not! I'm sure it would be just a small slap on the hand,  paw, or tale. No big deal.

Friday, October 9, 2009

With that, have a totally, tubular, far out, out of this world, radical, top notch...blah blah blah... weekend...

First NASA has a blimey space ship hit the moon... and what's this, our own President Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. BIG DAY. 

Thursday, October 8, 2009

You did it!


Home Sick

The noses at this house are running more than the water. Ba doom chhh (represents drum line).

It's kind of LIke this...

Tiger in the middle: "whoa dude, what was in that brownie you gave me?" 
Tiger on the right: "acid.
I'm sure the conversation was a little like that, when the chicks appeared in the tiger cage.. hmm.
Tiger in the background: "DOG PILE!"
Tiger on the right in the background "You know I have a bad back"
Then all the tigers in the cage share a good laugh..  because of the "Dog pile" comment. Yeah, It's probably like that.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

If the moon were made out of barbecue spare ribs, would you eat it?

Did you check the moon this week? Stunning. Phenomenal. Hey you... looking good up there! It's been out of this world (pun completely intended). 

Hey Brother

I figured it was an easier transition on the eyes to post giant hamburger, hamburger and french fries cake, rather than something drastic: Giant Hamburger, spaghetti and garlic bread cake....AHHHHHHH (represents, running and screaming). Happy Birthday Jonah.

Friday, October 2, 2009