Just a small slap on the paw.. or whatever

I went inside for one minute, the next thing I know...Kabloooeee...

Alright, who's the wise guy who put the dead bird on my office porch? Eh eh, anyone? You know the bird that looked like it had been KNOCKED OUT in a boxing match. The one with a trickle of blood from it's beak? The one laying on it's back in tact. The one that looked like a Hollywood actor shot dead in a  gangster movie... dead, looking good, with a small amount of blood, from the mouth or nose (I mean the bird looked like a bird, playing a caricature of a hollywood actor... playing dead in a movie). 

Don't try to tell me it was the squirrels either,  I already thought of that. I mean come on, what do you take me for? Of course I thought of that! After observing two squirrels chase each other around a tree trunk for ten minutes straight, I know that there was just no way they committed this bird and run. There is no way they had time to box the bird (not in a container, but a match.... Mohammed Ali... Knock out..  you get it) they were to into this tree chase game. I mean, they're probably still running around it this minute (by it I mean, the trunk, and by they I mean all the squirrels in Vancouver, WA). 

Anyways If anyone has a guilty conscience, and wants to speak up... any forest animals trying to find a spot to rid a tiny pair of blood soaked gloves... What better time then now? People probably wouldn't even notice. Everyones sooo distracted with the swine flu,  the nobel peace prize, healthcare reform, and what not! I'm sure it would be just a small slap on the hand,  paw, or tale. No big deal.