Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Snow What

Fellow Portlanders,

If you are reading this you have located a spot out of the winter bluster (or perhaps fearless, and hot blooded, in the winter bluster). I would like to take this moment and note my winter observance for the current state that exist outside your computer.

About one out of every Twenty Five drivers on the road right now is driving like a reckless dummy. The Twenty Four others are driving so slow that they could probably recite a whole entire play in the span of their drive. Twenty Five out of Twenty Five drivers on the road are driving like dummies (present company included).

2. Snowy weather leaves the smell of bad cologne, booze, and anything that could possibly be smoked, stagnant in the air. I'm telling you as I walked down Hawthorne blvd. the blocks swapped smelling like racetracks, casinos, Abercrombie and Fitch, ash trays, you name it!

3. Rubber boots from the bins saved my walk. No joke, I bought these boots from the bins (now hold your comments about contracting stds into my feet, or stepping in dirty diapers till the end of "3" please). Not only did I not even slip, I walked twice as fast as do when it's not snowy. It does sort of feel like my feet are robot feet that are aimlessly controlling my body. I seriously saw at least, AT LEAST, 3 people slip (in a one mile walk). Who cares if my feet have herpes, or somebodies lost tooth stuck in them, I was to busy setting world records to notice (by that I mean going fast in the snow). Oh and by the way, feel free to bin comment...now.

I hope everyone on the other side of this screen is as cozy as I am, in my 2 pairs of sweat pants, socks, and my robot feet (yeah yeah there are shirts in the mix too). All aboard next stop ashtraycologneboozeydummyVille!

1 comment:

  1. I wished I had a pair of boots yesterday... all I got was a pair of wet cold feet.